Dear Noelle,
As I prepare for my 5th Mother’s Day without you my heart hurts. I miss you more than I let myself realize.
I see your face when I look at your brother and sister and I often wonder who you would look like more. Sometimes, I can feel your reflection in their eyes.
I wonder what it would be like if you were here. I know you would be an amazing big sister.
I wonder if you would be wild like Alexander or more reserved like your Lily.
I wonder....
But I remember that you are not gone.
I cling to that reflection in your siblings eyes. I feel your presence in our household. Your siblings know your name. And I know that the two siblings that went to heaven after you are safe in your arms. You bring me comfort.
I am a better Mother because of you. I hug and kiss your siblings tighter and am quicker to say I’m sorry.
You have taught me that life is not promised.... minutes are not guaranteed. But in just 32 minutes you can change the world.
I will always miss you in my arms, at my table, running through my house, singing you lullabies and rocking you to sleep. I will always wonder who you would be today.
But I too will always say your name.
In your sister Lily’s words “I’m on your team and you’re on my team.... and Noelle is too...best team.”
How blessed are we to have a teammate up in Heaven?
Thank you for all you are to us. Thank you for making me a Mother and for changing my life for the better. I love you my sunshine, my sweet Noelle. Until I can carry you in Heaven, I carry your heart...I carry it in my heart.
Love always, Mommy