Dear Child: Happy 2nd Birthday, Aubrey
Happy 2nd birthday to my sweet baby girl. My first child, my daughter, the one who made me a mommy 💖. Not an hour goes by when I do not think about what we would be doing, or what your little personality would be like. The pain that once filled every cell of my being has now transformed into something else. And while the pain of losing you and the life I had planned for us will never go away, I now know that I can successfully still exist in this world where you do not. On this day, 24 months ago, I did not believe that was even an option.
Even though you are not here with me physically, I still love being your mom. I love being able to represent our little family in a way that I am proud of. Because of you, I am better than I ever thought possible. The line that separates my life before you and after you is drawn with the thickest ink, and the identity crisis that I endured following your death is over. I know who I am now, and being Aubrey’s Mom is the best title and a badge I wear with pride.
Every day I will think about you and the way our life should have been. The “should haves” are what hurts the most. Everything without you is different, but that doesn’t mean that life isn’t still good. We still laugh, we still enjoy life, we still make plans for our future. We talk about you all the time, and as we prepare for your little brother’s arrival, believe me when I say that he will know all about you too. You are forever the glue that will hold our family together on our tough days.
Happy Birthday to my baby. What I wouldn’t give to take your picture as you blow out the candles. Forever counting down til I get to hold you again 💖